2002-04-17 - 5:37 p.m.

In case ye gentle folk were wondering what goes into preparing for an SCA event or renaissance festival, I shall share with you my secrets for a successful journey:

1. Have colorful and exciting merchandise to sell. This includes having to drive 200 miles to pick up wayward packages with wrong addresses, finding out why your patterns were sent to San Gabriel, CA instead of Canonsburg, PA, and convincing booksellers' that although you ordered books on handspindles, you really received books on indexes and directories for a magazine. Not as easy as it looks, humm?

2. Pack the merchandise well and in boxes you can actually lift yourself. Nothing worse than looking like an old, bent hag, unless the crone-look is in this year.

3. Make sure the directions to the site or marketplace and a map are in your wagon. There is nothing worse than a panic call to your spouse while you are driving past Jacobs Field in Cleveland for the fifth time. Note: all roads in Cleveland somehow will take you to Jacobs Field whether you want to go there or not.

4. Do not assume they will let you drive on the grass to setup your pavillion. The ranger may come and scream that fall is QUALITY time for the grass and it cannot be disturbed. Bring a hand cart to help unload, just in case.

5. Do NOT put your vehicle anywhere near a Viking attempting to put their boat in the water. It's a very tricky manuveur. Help if you can or stay out of their way.

6. Bring a project to work on just in case no one told the gentle folk that it was indeed market day. This way you won't feel that the day was a total waste.

7. Bring food and beverage with you. Never assume that you can buy them in the marketplace unless you've been to that market before. Note: there may not even be a friendly Scottish Inn for miles. Water is also essential as is sunscreen, a good warm cloak, a change of shoes, and light clothing for warm days, i.e. black is not necessarily a good colour.

8. Be gracious when the marketplace supplies you with helpers who have no clue and keep dropping your merchandise. In this case, silence is not the better part of valour, but rather encourage the helpers to do tasks that won't break anything and then assure them that you are almost done and point them towards someone else in need.

9. Have extra cash to make it home just in case. See number 6.

10. If driving I68 late at night on the weekend (anytime after 5 pm), make sure you fill the gas tank at Clear Spring MD (I-70 West) or in LaVale (I-68 East). There are no open gas stations open in between these two points.

11. Do not travel in garb especially with cleavage showing, in case you didn't heed number ten. That fellow in the Mercedes (two sheets to the breeze) is not looking you in the face and has no idea what a renaissance festival is. Become friendly with the hotel guard while waiting for the AAA towing service to syphon gas from a tractor, just for you. Find nearest restroom and change immediately.

12. Call and let the person you love know when to expect you, especially if caught in an unexpected blizzard in the Laurel Highlands.

Yep, it's a 12 step program. Safe journeying and best of luck! Ursula

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